On a trip this week-end I was overnighting with old friends (not people with a "clothes-are-optional here" mindset); and over a glass of wine before supper, one of them said, "I feel as though my whole self simply can not be wholly present at the school where I teach." It's a conservative private school; she's a good teacher with many solid years in her field. But her political views, important as they are to her, would not be welcomed in her work-place: so she chooses not to bring them up. But she feels somewhat diminished by the fact, and feels also that the opportunity for a conversation that could be expansive and helpful to her and to her colleagues, both, is not there. And both sides lose something because of the non-conversation.
Nudist readers probably know where this blog is going, don't you.
Yesterday I was mowing my small and largely unfenced yard. It occurred to me that it would be fun to get a picture of myself pushing the lawnmower and to send it to a friend who does spend a lot of time naked himself; I wish thinking of entitling the picture, "Nudist Mows His Lawn". The irony, which my nudist friend would have gotten, is that I was wearing, not just sneakers, but also a t-shirt and jeans; nonetheless, it certainly was a nudist who was pushing the lawnmower: but the nudist was not naked at that moment.
Isn't it the dilemma we all face? Something is so important to us, even defining in large part who we are; but we feel we can't be open about it in the moment that we are in. If I'm honest about my politics, those at work won't like me; if I push my lawnmower across my yard wearing tennis shoes and nothing more, somebody will see me and, worse than that, call the cops! Nevertheless, "my whole self" includes my "self-who-prefers-wearing-nothing"; and when I'm wearing something my whole self is not quite wholly present.
Well: maybe it would be too dangerous to mow the lawn naked in this rural community. But I've heard of it being done elsewhere, if not here. I guess I'm envious of the guy who said, "When I got to be fifty, I didn't care anymore what people thought."
I actually wish I had not cared what people thought when I was twenty-eight, which would have been the time to "out myself as a guy who wears nothing when he can". Then I could have had the last thirty years to "not worry what people thought" — at least about my being naked. If they thought anything.
So I wonder if, the next time I'm in one of these "encounter groups" where everyone is invited to say one or two things they feel important about themselves, I might be able to say, "Well, for one thing, I'm a nudist."
Would it not be wonderful if it led to a moment like the one that Richard Foley described in his blog a couple of days ago: sitting naked in the garden when the post-person came and learning that there was no problem for either of them.
I wonder if I could at least get up the nerve to get one of those t-shirts with the logo, "Naked underneath these clothes" — and wear it when I next mow the lawn. I suppose it wouldn't be as comfortable as I imagine naked lawn-mowing to be.
But it might get a conversation going: one which could be of value to all of us.
Allen, I am reading this almost 3 years after you wrote this. I am struggling with how to 'out myself' and merge my two separate lives. The process is hard – because I think the resulting conversations will be hard; while this may be a misconception of mine, it is still a BIG roadblock to even trying.
In so many ways it continues to be so for me as well. In all honesty. And for a number of reasons …
Allen, nearly 2.5 years have passed since you wrote this blog. I wonder if your teacher friend is still at the school and if anything has changed for you or her as far as what you wrote?
HB, I think your comment gets to the heart of my observation. I think the deeper truth is that it's not just that I feel most myself when naked and doing things I like when alone or with others that I'm comfortable enough to be naked with. Rather, it's that I am a vast collective of labels: political, religious, clothed formally or casually, or naked … and isn't your own bow tie indicative of "naked formal wear"? I think the difficult thing is to be one's total self at all times: maybe that's even impossible …
But aren't we in some ways always pushing boundaries to be that most total self with anyone — even one's ex-wife? But it's not easy.
Gee, I hope that I could too be so free with everyone. Nakedness has caused my life to be so much fuller yet completely topsy turvy! I spend most of my day naked and I do naked things with other naked people, but all of my pre-naked friends and family have no idea. It's like I'm living two lives. Take yesterday for example. I was down by the river fishing naked with two naked friends. It was simply wonderous. My cell phone rang, it was my estranged wife, from a pre-naked life. I knew what to do. I let the phone wring till she got a message to leave a message. I could just imagine how the conversation would go… 'You're fishing naked by the river with two naked buddies!?' I would say "Yes. that's what I said. Fishing naked with two naked buddies." It was a conversation I didn't want to have. Maybe someday, but not today. Not when I'm fishing naked with two naked buddies.