I'm Embarrassed by you, You need to Change

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Has your spouse ever told you, that you need to change your interests because you are embarrassing them?

My wife did that to me tonight. She was pissed off that on my Pinterest account I have the Board "Nudist Camp".

She came to me tonight pissed off that Nudist articles are showing up on the main Pinterest board where all of our friends are connected. My friends. Her friends and our friends. She is embarrassed and asked me to stop pinning nudist articles. "like, you are ruining my social status by making me look like I am married to a freak".

All of her friends are her social circle friends at church. So they see my pins and have told me in texts that they thought I was an Upstanding Christian Brother. Now they think I am some sort of pervert/letch. I have explained to them in person and via text what Naturism is all about, and to ME there is nothing sexual about it. But they believe what they want. I don't really care. I am responsible to no one except my creator. I was kind of hurt that my wife sides with her friends instead of me, but she has low self esteem.

I think it's wrong. What if I said to her, "you need to stop wearing your hair like that because my friends are offended by your hairstyle and you are embarrassing me"….I would never say that…because one, it's wrong and hurtful, and that just sounds ridiculous. What makes people be so cold ? I never said this to her, because she would strike out in hatred.

My Spouse has never tried Naturism and thinks its ridiculous. She is very militant about it, instead of just maybe learning about it and letting down her guard and trying it, she constantly complains.

I will continue to make posts but I changed my Nudist Camp post to Naturism. I hate having to change for other people's prudishness, but in the end its a word. A title. It doesn't change me, and I can live with it. More people should try it, but they all live within a mindset of shame. It's hard to change other people from the outside. It has to come from inside them. They have to want to experience new things. But being Christians they just believe that it is shameful, yet will not open their mind to anything other than what they are told.

I was trying to explain to her, that a place where you share in social nudity, friendships you make seem much deeper than I have ever experienced. I feel so much in tune with others. I see past their exteriors and past all the Textile fronts that allot of people live behind. I said its different than any other relationships. She then was very condescending with me telling me that relationships are all the same whether you are clothed or not. Amazing that I thought she could have such insight into Nudism/Naturism that she could see both sides of the experience without having experienced it…ever. I just stayed calm. She was looking to start a fight tonight. I wasn't going to step into any traps. No thanks. Slam goes the bedroom door. I'm on the couch nursing my bad cold.

78 thoughts on “I'm Embarrassed by you, You need to Change”

  1. It has been my conclusion that women tend to be herd animals. Women are far more concerned about the herd than about their husband. "What will the neighbors think," has far more power than, "What my husband wants." This story is yet another example of a woman willing to create a lot of friction in her own family to comply with her perception herd behavior. I don't know how to win with that situation.

  2. All of my thoughts above are easier said than done. My wife and I moved cross country to take care of my family this year. We share a vehicle as hers was struck by a truck and she is not yet working again, and we don't want 2 payments. The stress level is high right now so I am not pursuing nudism at all with her right now. Insisting on rights usually only works when the relationship is already at a breaking point and it's an either/or. Best wishes to you in finding/working out solutions.

    • Hi Joe, sorry to hear about your troubles. Best wishes in your new home. Moving can be stressful. Your suggestions and ideas are true. I started the Pinterest group was sort of a place that i could dump naturism thoughts and ideas so that people could read about it and educate themselves without the need for my friends having to being up the conversation with me. I like your idea of the slow sell and the hot tub idea.

      As important and enjoyable as it is for me all I have wanted all along is for her to experience what I have. The peace and solitude and the friendly people that are so nice and unjudgemental and of course that warm sun on the body. That is what is missing in modern society. People and relationships. All of the social media does not fill that personal void.
      But the giant hurdle is the naked stigma. Thank you for your ideas Joe 🙂

      • Gregory: Thanks & you are most welcome. I'm no psychologist, but I do appreciate the effect of behavioral psychology, even though I let frustration get the best of me sometimes. If I have a thought or idea that helps me, I try to pass it along in hopes it will help others, just as others have helped me see new ways to address challenges. 🙂

          • Gregory; I have just read through this thread entirely. I hope everything works out fine for you & your wife. Naturism is a natural option for some & a very difficult one for others. But no-one needs to feel pressure, please be tolerant of each other & try to find the correct time & place to talk calmly to each other, more importantly though is to LISTEN to each other.
            I really do wish you both every happiness.

          • Thank you Patrick. Its been some time since I wrote this first article. My wife respects my choices and I respect her choices not to participate. I dont bring it up to her anymore, so there is calmness around the subject. She accepts it and considers it "my alone time" away from her, but what she doesnt realize is that it could be our together time too. So i go and enjoy my days and enjoy my life. I just wish for her the same freedoms and the calmness and warmth I feel when I go. I wish she could feel that peace and calm. She is not a free spirit like I am. She is very regimented, it will be difficult for her to let go.
            I appreciate everyones thoughts. 🙂

  3. A number of thoughts come to mind…1. The older we are, often the harder it is to change our ways. The body shame women are taught is very difficult to overcome (mentally) until they try it. Going nude is as far out of many women's comfort zone as a non-swimmer diving in the deep end of the pool. 2. Overcoming opposition is about persuasion. Car salesmen and realtors don't try to list the logic of why you should buy, they sell you on how you will enjoy the car/home (if you are convinced it's fun, you'll create your own justification). They only offer 'logic' to assure you that your desire isn't unreasonable. 3. Training a retriever is a process. You don't throw a puppy in ice cold water. You let it run in warm water and teach it to swim when ready, and it gradually adjusts to swimming in colder temps. Nudism is a process. C/o beaches or a hot tub at home allow you to be nude and her to be clothed until she's ready to try being nude. 4. Relationships are built on shared interests. You have a new hobby. Getting upset because your drinking buddy doesn't take up golfing won't encourage him to try it. You have to make it seem fun, and continue to soft sell. 5. Promoting golf to the Harley Davidson crowd probably won't improve your status in the motorcycle club. Posting nudism to Pinterest where church friends read isn't likely the way to win hearts and minds.

  4. So what is the answer ? Again she promised all last year she would go. But when the day came to go she balked. I also quit talking to her about it. In the summer she knows a couple of days in advance that I'm getting ready to go because I'm checking the weather and my schedule. The morning of, she always asks me, "are you heading up to the farm?" Yes, you want to go ? "No, i dont want to go". I ask her when im leaving are you sure? You left a space for you and packed lunches. Nope. I drive off by myself everytime. It sucks, but its her loss. Im not going to mope around all day because she refuses.
    People just fear the unknown. The fear is just actually worse than the experience.
    I know she would be hooked if she could feel the sun and wind on her body. But, a new season is on its way and im not holding my breath.

  5. If I was not raised in the lifestyle by Naturists,(NOT NUDISTS) I could never envision myself stripping naked in front of a bunch of Wolves at a resort or beach. That is so counter intuitive to a Woman's integral self preservation survival mechanisms.

  8. Good for you and especially good for her. Grappling with this whole body image thing is so difficult. Not a single one of us has anything to be ashamed of. We are what we are. Social nudity helps us accept ourselves and not be ashamed. It literally pulled me out of one of the deepest slumps I had ever been in, and I'm so thankful.

  9. Well updated story. She says she will go, but said copious amount of Vodka will have to be drank. Her biggest fight is that she is ugly and no one needs to see her not good enough breasts. She says because they sag, they get sweaty. I said mine too. hahaha. so I said take a shower and go float in the pool. Im down in Florida and want to go to Lake Como this week, and she flatly refused. It's a family vacation and that means no. She says she will go this summer at home in Wisconsin. At this point I quit pushing. I want her to want to go, not to promise me to drink lots of alcohol to go. That sort of defeats the whole purpose of having a great time.

  11. My sympathies to you. I understand. I live the same life. As the years went by my wife, who is a very good looking woman, has become obsessed with covering herself. I saw it most pointedly when we went to a vacation to southern France with two other couples and went to the beach. We came upon a c/o beach and though I was the only one of our group to get naked, she wore a full one piece bathing suit, a wrap around her waist to cover her legs, another wrap over her shoulders, a big floppy hat, and outlandishly large sunglasses, and all this on an overcast day. I didn't dare say anything or make light of the situation, because I would have been eaten alive. I'm told that I have a problem.

  13. Sorry you are going through that right now. As for those who are accusing you of being a terrible person, (five minutes after they thought you are a saint), needs to read some of my articles. I am rather pointed about our Christian faith and how hypocritical we are at times. I ask too many questions about how we think and do things. I have two sites, one regular website and the other a blog site. I think you have the links.

    • No idea what those links might be, or where to find them. If you are going to point people to "links", (which is of course fine), you might consider providing them in the post, rather than making people go hunting for them…

  14. You have my greatest sympathy. My wife too is not a naturist but fortunately she is more tolerant of my 'coming out'. But I don't 'push it' with our mutual friends. As others have said compromise must be the way forward.

  16. I can well and truly relate to your situation Greg. My wife was brought up in a strict Muslim country and came from a very conservative family background. Around 3 years ago when I first started to consciously pursue naturism, the situation was quite tense and I couldn't envision how things could work out.
    My wife was very negative about the situation, and being naked around the house was awkward and uncomfortable.

    I could never have imagined at that time she would ever spend any time at a nude beach. Nor could I imagine that she would be comfortable with me being nude around the house under any circumstance.
    Fortunately I was wrong. There are still boundaries I'm working on, but for the most part there is a reasonable acceptance of the situation and on that basis I'm prepared to take things as they come and make it work.

    I guess in my situation one of the reasons all of this has worked is because pursuing naturism for me is one small part of a much larger lifestyle change I committed myself to. In essence I wanted to become healthier physically, mentally and spiritually. As I have done so, nakedness has brought with it positive changes within myself and as such, positive changes for my immediate family.

    There is an interesting parallel between those who discover nudism and those who become born again Christians. Everyone around those people think they've gone nuts. At best they think it's a passing phase and the person will "get over it". What changes people's view in both cases is when the person in question doesn't get over it, but in fact becomes a stronger, more confident, capable enabled person.

    I suspect the thing that will assist with your wife reevaluating her views and assumptions will be seeing a positive change that is resultant of your naturism.

    Within your faith, man was created perfect. Within your faith, Christ redeemed you of all sin, making you perfect before your creator. Therfore there is no need for you to conceal yourself before God. He sees into your heart. Given that your heart is purified, there is no shame in your nakedness.

    Christians that can't conceive of this concept have not truly accepted Christ into their life's, otherwise within themselves they would know that they are blameless and sanctified by the blood of Christ.

    Hopefully things will work themselves out but it's really up to you to be the stronger person. Look very deeply within yourself and truly understand where you are coming from. If you don't get it, or you're still trying to work things out, life will continue to be challenging. If you understand your true motives and the reason you feel compelled to contribute via social media, patience will see you through.

    Just be the stronger person, even when you feel at your most downtrodden.

  17. My wife is a regular church goer and isn't a naturist. I'm fortunate in that she has come to accept my interest in naturism to the extent that I'm a Regional Coordinator for BN. If there was, for example, a WNBR in our home town (which there isn't) then she wouldn't be happy for me to be involved with it, and I would accept it.

    I do undertand that naturism can unfortunately be a very difficult issue in relationships, where on half is a naturist and other isn't, and those affected by this issue have my sympathy.

  18. Not that I have any problems with my wife in naturist area, but over other things we don't seem to get eye to eye we agree to disagree and that's it. We allow ourselves to have a difference of opinion and that accepting attitude makes our love even grow stronger.

  21. I\'d like to offer you some light at the end of the tunnel, Gregory Heath but I see too many similarities between your situation and mine. However, I do know couples who both go to church and one is an enthusiastic naturist, and the other is not. And who are as deeply in love with one another (as one can tell) as I was when I became a parent. While it didn't work for me, seeing their positive and accepting of one another example is a beacon of hope, perhaps.

  22. I assume your wife is entirely aware of you being a naturist. That is obviously not the main problem.
    She's clearly worried that your ("freaky") way of life will bounce back on her. It's sad for you and definitely a problem for her, but I think that you will have to take her feelings into account. In a relationship that is 'uneven' in this respect there is the need to give and take from both sides. She lets you be who you are, as long as it doesn't affect her and her world. I think you did the right thing in changing the title of that board, if that is enough for her.

    You're right, becoming a naturist is something that has to come from inside someone. We don't go out like Jehova's Witnesses to convert people – that won't work. Even worse, it will work against us. because naturism is still a more heavily charged subject than Jehova-ism.

    You married your wife for lots of reasons. Don't let this make life hard on the two of you. It's one of life's challenges, to find the middle road for each of you.

    Good luck.

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