john willans

Naked on a Farm (2) – A Tale of Ducks
I was working naked as usual when Natalia came to see me. She was going through a tough time. A relationship of several years standing had recently come to an end. She was deeply involved with a process called Non Violent Communication (NVC as it is called ) as a way of dealing with her emotions. Nevertheless, she sat down on the step near me and began pouring out her troubles. I carried on with my task but listened with sympathy. I deliberately avoided offering advice sensing that she just wanted to get stuff off her chest. Then she stopped talking, stood up, and immediately burst into tears. Instinctively, I moved toward her. She fell into my arms, burying her head in my chest and sobbing uncontrollably. We were like that together for what seemed like several minutes. Eventually, she calmed down and stepped away. We faced each other. Then she smiled, said, ‘Thank you John’ and walked away.
After that first time it seemed that our meetings quite naturally ended with a hug.
I have wondered if she was comforted by touching the skin of another human. A new born baby is comforted by skin to skin contact with its mum. May be this was a similar example. Who can say?
We were alarmed when, one afternoon, a fox came and took three of our twelve Khaki Campbell ducks, Yes in broad daylight! In keeping with good permaculture practice, the ducks were kept near to our house. We regularly passed their pen. So, we were surprised that the fox was so bold. Aysha asked me to help move the surviving ducks into the fruit orchard that was enclosed by a 3 meter (10 foot) high fence. We figured that would be sufficient to keep out the fox. How wrong we were. There was a large hen house in the orchard already. The remaining ducks would be quite happy in that once I’d built a ramp so they could get in and out comfortably.
‘How are we going to move them then?’, I asked. I didn’t have a plan but I figured Aysha would. ‘Oh, it’s easy she replied. ‘We can walk them round’. Wrong!!! She has a habit of being over optimistic.
It wasn’t far to their new home. No more than 100 yds (about the same in meters) ‘I’ll let them out and you guide them along’, she shouted and she opened the door. Well, as you can imagine they didn’t obediently file out like an infant school crocodile. Oh no, two dashed for a clump of nettles three more went under a nearby hut and the others? Well, I hadn’t a clue. So much for the walking idea! Aysha was helpful though. ‘Go and put your boots and trousers on John or you’ll get stung by those nettles’. That was thoughtful wasn’t it.
We got them all to their new home in the end.
Later, I was off working at a couple of other places including a small holding worked by an old school mate. It was near Glastonbury in Somerset. Rich lived with his wife and three almost adult offspring in an extension to his in-laws bungalow. There was about 4 acres of land. It was mainly pasture for a few sheep with some poly tunnels, fruit trees and veg gardens. There was also a solar heated outdoor swimming pool, Yeh!
I usually offer myself as a carpenter and so Rich or rather Jan, his wife, had me build some steps for them. It was the hottest week of the year so far, the first week in July (see pic Naked on a farm (2) Near Glastonbury). I would not to have been comfortable working naked there so didn’t ask. From that view point I longed to be back at Aysha’s. One consolation, and a big one at that, was the pool. It was blissful after a day in the hot sun. Strangely, it was probably more blissful because I had to work clothed but could then strip off and swim naked. Oh!!! I can feel it again now as I write this and it is wonderful. I was given the 5 o’clock slot and had the pool to myself. A young French couple was working for Rich at the same time as me. I wondered how they swam. I never asked.
My next place was in Staffordshire where it was cold and wet most of the time. It was a lovely place though and very green; presumably because of the amount of rain.
When friends found that I would work for free, I was often asked to help with a job. I had agreed to help Will paint the front of his new house. He and his partner had recently bought an old restaurant. It needed a lot of work but when finished would make a lovely home. Will’s partner was in Bulgaria in their holiday home with the children and Will was at work most of the day. So I worked alone at the painting. I could finish one coat by the end of the morning leaving the afternoon free. Yipeee!!!
The garden had an orchard with peaches, apples and pears. The peaches were ripe so I spent part of the afternoon picking fruit, naked obviously, and the rest of the time laying in the sun. Wonderful!! Sadly, it was around then that Aysha called to say the fox had taken the remaining ducks. She felt guilty because she had left a gate open and that’s how the fox had got in. Presumably.
When I returned to Aysha’s farm she said that I could take over a small caravan which was on its own near the poly tunnels. I spent a few days fitting it out with a small log burning stove ready for when the nights turned cold. There was a spare water butt so I fitted some hose to it so that I could collect rainwater from the roof. I bought a single gas ring stove but we didn’t have a spare gas bottle at the time so that was never finished. I warmed rainwater for a washing by leaving old wine bottles filled with water out in the sun or in one of the poly tunnels. We talked about making a fire bath but never got round to it. I had a go at making a solar heated shower using a coil of black hose, but, lost interest in that when I found that I had chosen irrigation hose by mistake. This stuff is for watering plants so it’s full of holes!
One day Aysha called to me, ‘You’d better get dressed John. We’re going to market!’ We returned with a motley collection of ducks including two drakes and a couple of Aylesbury’s. Lovely as pets but not very productive as egg layers! There was also a dozen hens – they turned out to be good layers and four weaner pigs .
All went well until we had yet another visit from Mr. or more likely Mrs. Fox. Three ducks dead with just one carried away. This time the gate had been closed. The fox had climbed the 10 foot fence avoiding two strands of electrified wire. I spent the rest of the day checking the fence and found that the electrified strands had been shorted out by some overhanging tree branches. Even with this fixed we were not confident in the fence. And so the ducks were confined to their house. After a couple of days I persuaded Aysha that we should let the ducks out for some supervised swimming. Most ducks get depressed if they are prevented from swimming for any length of time. We had arranged a kiddies paddling pool for them. I moved this close to the duck house and enclosed it with a temporary fence. The ducks had fled to their house when the fox came and were still reluctant to come out again. The following day, I had some spare time over the lunch break ,so I went to let them out. I opened the door and then lay down some distance away to see what would happen. There was lots of quacking but none came out. I was in no hurry. It was lovely laying in the sun. Aysha reckoned it may take a few days for them to regain their confidence. I tried again later that afternoon but still they stayed indoors.
The following morning they came out. Not all at once and very tentatively at first. To start with I saw just one little head emerge, have a quick scan around and then go back in. Another one did the same thing. A third put its head out and peered around but the press of those behind prevented it from going back and it came tumbling out down the ramp quacking in panic. It then recognised the paddling pool full of refreshing cool water. It crept towards this still quacking cautiously. After one final check it jumped in and swam stopping to flap and throw water on its back. Once it was clear to the others that all was safe they came out too, line astern. The little paddling pool was soon full of ducks quacking, flapping vigorously and splashing one another in fun. It was a wonderful sight, but, I had to go after half an hour. I got up out of the grass. Once they saw me, they quickly scuttled back to their house where I closed the door behind them.
My next job that day was scything. The purpose of this was to clear some paths of long grass and then to give the cut grass to the cows. We had four cows in a dutch barn that were still being hay fed. The grass would be a welcome change for them. That is an understatement! As soon as I got within 100yards of the barn with my first forkful, they went berserk, bellowing their heads off. They could smell the freshly cut grass you see. While I had the scythe in my hand I also cut some nettles for the goats. Goats love nettles! It was a bit of a challenge barefoot and naked though. Goats prefer food not to be on the ground. For this reason, we always tried to hang the cut nettles on their fence.
At lunch time I went back to my ducks and let them out. This time they filed out and were circling and flapping in their pool before I’d got myself settled in the grass. As the days went by, the ducks were getting more confident. Not only were they keen to come out but it was getting difficult to get them back in. I noticed, however, that they didn’t like helicopters. The farm was about twenty miles away from an airbase. That was one of the things that spoilt the peace; two or three times a week a large ChiNaktiv sitehelicopter would fly low over us. The first time one flew over the ducks, their reaction made me chuckle. They all stopped what they were doing, fixed the aircraft with one eye and tracked it across the sky. As it passed over their heads all tilted as one, just like a performance of ballet! The least confident then began quacking furiously, the rest joined in and they scuttled back into their house.

Times they are a changing to quote his Bobness. Landed clubs, in the UK at any rate, seem to have gone from accepting only families and couples to welcoming even three legged green creatures from the planet zog in their efforts to survive. Even the humble winter weekly swim is under threat with the average age of the swimmer now exceeding sixty and the attendance at some venues in single figures. This contrasts sharply with the apparent growth in events such as the World Naked Bike Ride. The latter seems to be growing not only in the numbers prepared to bare all but also there are more towns being represented. Here on the South Coast of England it will soon be possible to do a WNBR every weekend throughout the summer if you so choose if the growth rate continues. What’s going on? Have we, as a nation, suddenly honed our environmental credentials and are choosing to demonstrate about the increasing dependence on fossil fuel – wasn’t that the point of WNBR in the first place? Many of the participants travel significant distances by car so may be this is not the motive. Or are people beginning to appreciate the sensations that can only be felt when naked. We might also say the sensations that are appreciated when we are naked but the majority are clothed. Here is another interesting paradox. Would the feeling of being naked be quite so special if we could do it any place and at any time? When it becomes no more a lifestyle choice than whether to wear a hat or not, for example, what happens then?

It was in the winter of 2012 that I had the idea of working on organic farms. The western economy had collapsed (again!) and it was clear that it was in its death throes. There are many organisations around trying to work towards alternatives; the Transition Movement for example. That true wealth comes from the earth is a given for me – on various levels. What better way to spend a summer than naked in the sun working to bring nourishment from the soil and experiencing ‘alternative’ lifestyles. An impossible dream? Not so. Read on.

I joined an organisation that links people willing to work with those needing help. The deal is that you normally work 4 to 6 hours a day – usually with a day off- in exchange for a bed and food – simple. I studied the book I was sent and found what looked like a suitable place.

I started work in late March which is a time of unpredictable weather in England. Mornings were very often frosty but with strong sunshine breaking through at lunchtime and lasting well into the afternoon. The air temperature could be cool but with the sun’s radiant heat, it was lovely. Luckily I was able to organise my work so that I had a big chunk of time at mid day when I could find a quiet place to be in the sun. The farm was 38 acres of paddocks and woodland so there was plenty of scope. At that time there were no other workers around. The owner of the farm, my boss, Aysha stayed in the office most off the time. So mostly, I worked alone. I was hopeful that a chance would come to clear my naked preference with Aysha. I reasoned that I had a better chance of success if she got to know me first.

Just as the weather turned cooler, we were joined by another worker – Cliff. He had been a professional musician but broke with the band because of artistic differences. He had already smoked his own weight in dope and was still going strong. He was as jumpy as a box of frogs and went at every task like a bull at a gate. There was probably more to the band break up than an artistic difference. Aysha was a strong willed woman. It was not long before she and Cliff were banging heads. Something had to go and as it turned out it was Cliff. That’s about the only thing you can do in such circumstances.

Spring was in its full stride by now and we were getting some seriously nice sunshine. Aysha and I were getting along pretty well she was confiding in me and asking my advice on things – then ignoring it!

She normally wore a heavy woollen top, thick tweed trousers tucked into Wellington Boots.
One morning she announced,’ if the weather stays like this, I will be stripping off!’
I knew that she did not mean this literally but recognised this as my chance and said, ‘I would prefer to be naked too if that’s ok with you of course’.

Her face was a picture. Unusually she was at a complete loss for words. At that point I was not sure which way this was going to go. After what seemed like an age of just staring at one another, she said, ’Yes, I think that would be ok, but, I won’t be joining you and I might change my mind’.

I hope that you can imagine the euphoria that I felt at that moment. The thought of the whole summer, outdoors and naked, openly, no need to be vigilant, no hiding, no need to carry anything ‘just in case’ wonderful! Wonderful!

We could be seen on part of the farm by a neighbour in a big house way up on the hill. As an afterthought, I asked, ‘What about the neighbours, Aysha?’ and pointed at the house. ‘Bugger the neighbours. Let them look.’ She replied. That was fine by me and I knew then that she was on my side.

One morning I was constructing some tomato cages on an area of grass near the poly tunnels. It was then that I heard an unfamiliar female voice, ‘Hi, is Aysha about?’ I looked up and saw a girl on the track about 100 meters away. She had long wavy blond hair and a beaming smile. Only the top of her body was visible, the rest was hidden by the long grass between us. I told the girl that Aysha was off on an errand. She said that she had come to work here. What do I do now? I pointed to the cabins where we lived and said that I would meet her there but I needed to clean up first. I collected my shorts on the way.

There were three cabins arranged in a ‘U’ shape around a small court yard. One of the cabins formed our communal sitting room and that’s where the girl was sitting when I arrived wearing my now very unfamiliar shorts. The first thing she said was, ‘were you naked back there?’ ‘Yes I was’, I replied. I was surprised both at her direct question and my equally direct answer. ‘That’s ok. I’m cool with that,’ she said again with a smile. Wow! Linda was the first of many other people that came to work on the farm. But after that experience with her I greeted all the others with confidence and openness and they just accepted that was the way it was! Unexpected visitors I treated in the same way.
I will leave this story for now. There is more to tell. One day maybe I will finish it.