David Adkins

Sometimes I feel as though I am going through life as an observer instead of a participant. I interact with people, help them, chat and whatnot. Yet, I feel alone. I think of myself as low maintenance, kind,sarcastic, and friendly. At times I am too smart for my own good, and I don't care abouts sports, politics, or cars. I enjoy a good philosophical debate, or abstract conversation. Yet, as i try to find or attract someone to be in a relationship with, I tend to find shallow in the moment people.
Nothing wrong with that type, but they don't satisfy my need for depth and emotion. I like to connect on a mental and spiritual level, to talk for hours, to just exist without either party putting demands on the other. I don't show my full self until I am comfortable with a person or situation, I seem to observe first. Not a great way to be but it does gice me insight into how a person is. I would rather be engaged by a person then start an interaction.
Maybe I am not as low maintenance as I think, or perhaps I am destined to wait until the right guy finds me. I am still going to look and try to find someone, but I sure am tired of being single.

Thanks for reading my thoughts and may good fortune find you. Also know that, even though I don't know you personally, I still love you.

I am writing this on my birthday, happy 34th to me. For the new year, I told myself to quit lying to myself. All of my life I have denied myself to myself. I have slowly accepted different parts of myself, like being a nudist. But the one aspect of myself I have always denied was being gay. I really don't know why I have done that. My family accepts me regardless of who I am. I am a wiccan so religion isn't the issue. I think it may have been the idea that the social norm is to be straight.Not a great way to explain it really. I once read a book that had a character who denied being gay to himself. He was a magician, and used his powers unconsciously to heal away the urges. I can't do that, but I could tell myself other things like, oh he is handsome bet he gets lots of girls…or other things. I have even in retrospect, chosen friends because I liked them secretly but didn't consciously see that. Now I am out, I am gay and I don't care who knows it. I feel better for accepting that part of myself, for being open about it, and for telling my parents. I have been chatting with a guy who I hope will be the one. I now look at guys and accept what I feel. I have not changed how I act, I just accept myself.I actually feel pride for the people who at a young age accept themselves for what they are. whether they are straight, bi, gay, transgendered…whatever. I think it really sucks that people try to make others conform to what they view as 'normal'. I dislike the feeling that you have to conform to fit in. I don't fit in, I am an outsider, and I like that. I mean I am a nice guy, will go out of my way to be of help, even if you are a jerk or I dislike you. I treat people as people, because lets face it, we are all of the same race…the human race. I don't like fighting, or war, I love to read, and I write poems. I play video games and love to play dungeons and dragons and other roleplaying games. I am smart, love board games, and card games. I play magic the gathering, and munchkin. I believe in magic, and ghosts. I am precognitive to a small extent, and have empathic abilities. Large crowds bother me, because a lot of time it is too much energy around and I get overstimulated, making it hard to function. I feel others emotions, I like to help or listen to people.I am multi-faceted, and I like who I am. I may be sarcastic, I may get moody, but at least I don't judge others by anything but what they present to me. I think the world could benefit from that way of being…instead of going by color, or speech patterns, size or gender, or any of the other ways people judge people, we should just get to know each other, and go by that.

I just recently started working at a casino, in the buffet area to be exact. As a cook, I make food. Sometimes especially if working in a buffet setting you can get an idea of what people eat. Take fried chicken, I have noticed that most of the people go after the legs and wings…I thought the favorite pieces were breasts and thighs…guess I was wrong. On the salad portion, more people go after the pickled beets then any other item. Why is this? I asked some of my coworkers and they answered, perhaps it is cultural (meaning since most of our customers are of Asian lineage) and that is the reason. I guess that could be, yet it was the average pursuit of all people. Just a curiosity.

I am glad that I have a better paying job now, plan on moving out of parents house by January, and that will be nice. I have been looking at the rentals in various publications, both on the internet and in paper form, and think finding an appropriate place will be easy. I just hope to pass the initial tests some of the places require, like credit checks in some cases. My credit is not great, still paying off student loans and such is a pain. But I am trying to do as best as I can.

The benefit of getting my own apartment is I can finally be nude as much as I want to. Plus, I can do whatever I want. It will be nice, could finally host other nudists, and since it will be closer to a resort where nudists gather I will be going there more often. plan on joining so won't have to pay the day fees. It will be nice.

Thanks for reading my random thoughts and may all of your Nudist activities go well and fun!

So been looking for a new job for a month now. Had a line on one but blew that. since then I have not had anyone accept or try to hire me. Am I bad at applying to places or are my skills just not right for people? My line of work is not hard to get a job but I seem to be…eh…I don't know. I am just writing this blog to get my feelings out. I have great skill, at least I have told so.

what is my career choice you ask? Chef, or cook. I mean everyone eats but nobody wants me apparently. I have even gone so far as to apply outside of my state of residence. I want to get out of here, I want a job…I want to feel wanted. Starting to feel depressed about this whole situation. Maybe I shouldn't have left my last job…but my boss was making the atmosphere uncomfortable…I hate passive aggressive people.

Perhaps I should apply to more places in more states…any suggestions? Anyone want a chef for personal reasons, or do any of you own a restaurant? I am not picky…

Last night, I dreamt that Nudism started to spread. It started with one person who just went everywhere nude. It made national news coverage, no body was offended just curious. Around that same time a new road appeared that led down to south America near the equator, called the nude highway.

As the dream progressed, more and more people went nude, giving up clothing and embracing their skin…the highway led to a country that was entirely nude. In a way it was spreading like a virus, to which there was no cure…lol. It was interesting to say the least…what does this say about me though?

For the last couple days I have been helping, along with the rest of the family, to get the house ready for a bunch of friends to come over and have dinner. Had to clean up the house, make foods, clean the house, and basically set up the seating.

I know I said cleaning the house twice, but have you ever noticed that when you have a group of people coming over, you clean up and then the head of the household(my mom) doesn't think it is enough. Must have as much perfection as possible. Not really my forte but okay. So yesterday we had the dinner, a bit of cleaning was done, then the cooking of the foods. That is my strong point, seeing as I am a chef/cook. My mom started doing some of it but I ended up doing the majority of the cooking and presentation. It is fun and I enjoy it. Only thing is, I am not a super social person, I don't mind being in a group for a bit of time but after a while it is draining.

I have never been good at conversations in a group, and I prefer more intimate settings. a couple people instead of a group of 10. But it went off well, everyone loved the food, though we made way way way too much. going to be eating leftovers for a week. Now today I just want to take a nap and, well, act like it is Sunday. I think that maybe I should become a personal chef or something. I like making food for people and presenting it nicely. I mean working in a restaurant is nice and all, however I like to treat a group of people special, have a connection instead of the impersonal one a cook has with his tables in the restaurant.

Did the people like the food? Love to find out but when it gets busy you don't get the chance to go out and ask. Feels like I am intruding sometimes, or that I am a bother, though people tend to love a chef coming out and making sure that the food was good. So anyone want to hire me 🙂 lol

I just got back from a Nine day stay at Laguna Del Sol. It was a great time. I went by myself, which is okay, and from the time I finished moving in my luggage(because they were repaving the resort the first few days I was there so I had to park outside like everyone else) I was nude. Even when I went to get my car and bring it in the park I didn't wear anything, just wrapped a towel around myself and got my car.

I do love Laguna, as it has ample swimming opportunities, hammocks, a lake with boating available, a restaurant and plenty of other activities that caters to many different people. Also they had their car show, Rockets and sprockets, occur this last weekend while I was there. I am not a car person but it was cool the different cars and bikes. They even had a few inflatable bouncy bin things. That was cool to do in the nude, and made me feel like a kid again(though some people would say being 33, I am still a kid).

I still felt weird in the morning to leave my hotel room without getting dressed sometimes. Then when I left(I didn't dress right away, probably drove for about an hour before I dressed) getting dressed and wearing clothes was odd. the clothes almost felt wrong or not properly fitted. But, at least I did not get sunburned, but I am tanned the whole skin over…lol.

Thanks for reading my blog entry…oh and by the way 9 consecutive days nude and/or at a resort is my record.

So I was driving along and thinking, "you know there are lots of sim games, like airport tycoon, the sims, sim city, etc…" You know what I noticed? We have games where you can be a crook selling drugs or taking them, be the cops, be a firefighter, or a sports star. Yet there are not any 'nudist' video games. I realize that in 'sims bustin' out' there was a nudist resort that you could live in or visit. but other than that there is really nothing to promote or advertise nudism in a healthy and good way where video games are concerned. I think someone should come up with a simulation game like 'sim nudist resort' where you build and maintain a nudist resort. Add some facts/tips that explain and such the nudist lifestyle or whatever. perhaps it could be promoted or sponsored by a real resort or even AANR.

I think that if done right it would improve peoples self image(or maybe not) or at least let more people be accepting of nudism. People say that video games affect people more strongly then we think, let someone work towards improving viewpoints. What do you think?

So while this has nothing to do with nudism, I just wish to express some thoughts.

I just spent about 4 days or so house sitting for some friends. And the entire time my only companions were 3 dogs, a pig, and an outdoor cat whom I never saw. Now, don't get me wrong I love animals; though I am more a cat person than a dog person; but they don't provide much in the way of conversation. I don't mind watching TV, or swimming in a pool yet I found I wanted a person to talk to or just have human contact.

Also, I have discovered that Bassett hounds are so very clingy, I am not a clingy person, I like my personal space. I am a loving person but I am not fond of people or animals being in my face, or having to lay on me or need constant attention. However, this hound just wanted to be RIGHT THERE! and that annoyed me. I have a lot of patience but it was tried.

Another thing, it is hard to sleep in someone else's house. I mean yes sleeping somewhere the first night is difficult because you are not used to the noises or the environment. But I had a hard time sleeping period. I kept expecting the dogs to wake me up to go out, or to go bark at something, or they would start to chew or lick themselves loudly; and unfortunately I have really good hearing; and I can't stand to hear this. Of course I could hear it better because they had to be in the same room as me while I slept.

I feel torn sometimes also. I really respect others property, and want to not leave a mess. I sometimes wonder 'should I clean the house? Vacuum, or wipe down everything. Should I try to do this or that? Are the animals okay to be here, or should I stop them from play fighting?' These are random thoughts that go through my head. I understand that dogs play fight or whatever for instinctual reasons, yet what if one dog hurts the other in a permanent way will I be blamed? I was left a note to leave one dog outside but I feel guilty letting the others in and not the one. I realize that the oldest dog is having back leg problems so doesn't get around well but she is so sweet. she actually seemed to get more energetic as the days passed, I wonder if I was a good influence or did she warm up to me. She tried to greet me often and get up and get petted and loved on. She wasn't pushy or anything but I could see her trying, so I would go over to her to save the walking.

I think part of that was because I would rub or scratch her back right above the tail, which is a hard place for dogs to reach and scratch properly, I wonder if she had a tightening that was relieved but the rub/scratching.

Anyway, I am rambling now so I am going to end this. But if you have any thoughts let me know. thanks.

So I made my reservations to stay at the beginning of June, thinking that at the end of the month it will be summer and beautiful. Boy was I wrong…it was cloudy and grey, plus it rained. I was not deterred though as I was there to be clothes free and that is what I did. Luckily it was not cold staying at 70 or warmer…plus it was muggy which makes it feel warmer.

So after checking in and getting to my room, I disrobed and went out to see what I could find. I went and soaked in one of the hot tubs. I also went walking around to reacquaint myself with the grounds and see what had changed. I ate in the restaurant while sitting on my towel and wearing my sandals…most times. I worked out a bit in the gym, and played pool by myself. As evening set in on my first night I went and watched TV. I found this cool channel which showed older shows like 'the donna reed show', and 'family affair'. Went to sleep and when I awoke thought it was just a few hours later, instead it was like 5 am. the clouds threw me for a loop. I watched TV until I thought the restaurant was open but I was an hour early. So I went and soaked in the hot tub and try stretching out my muscles by doing fake tai chi in the water. I don't know tai chi but I know it is motions made slowly so I was doing that mainly.

I also read my book for a bit, and then went and ate. Later I took a longer walk around the grounds…more like a hike. I also played in the pool getting more stretching in and some exercise…which any growing boy needs…lol. I chatted with a couple of people as well, though most were hiding from the clouds I think. I later went out on a kayak, where I think with the sun starting to peek out I got my sunburn…shoulders, face and chest mainly. I also relaxed in a hammock in the shade, reading…and cat napping…hey I was tired. I tried to stay out of the sun once I felt the burns developing so they are only minor. slept better that night, but the next day I had to get ready to go…so sad but necessary. spent most of the morning just relaxing and packing while still nude. took my stuff to the car and finally relented and dressed. I checked out and headed home. such a fun trip, I might try to go again next month, hopefully the weather will be more cooperative and I will have a companion to hang out with. I had plans to meet with a couple of people but could not find them…

I am having one of my days. I feel fine for the most part but feel as though all my efforts are for naught. I figure it is a type of depression but don't like to feel this way. I used to be more upbeat and would smile trying to cheer others up. I read a post on Facebook not long ago that said the happiest people are usually the ones who need the most help. I have for years gone out of my way to help others, whether with the physical world, or emotional. I am tall so help others reach what is up high. I have a great listening ability and can fathom solutions or even give advice that helps in some way…or just listen as that is all that is needed sometimes.

But I am tired. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of being there for others. I sometimes feel I am not appreciated by those I engage in conversation. I know I am a valued person, and that my talents are not wasted, yet I yearn for more concrete results. I am a patient person, and forgiving to a point. I am quiet and kind.

I feel broken at times. It may be from my failed marriage years ago. It may be from the fact I can't support myself outside of my parents home. I want to cry, but can't for I have no reason to. I am blessed for having a loving family, good friends(though none are close by), and good health. I am a talented cook, can anticipate when the food is at the near perfect condition or the right cooking time. Yet I still feel as though I am incomplete. I need advice maybe, though I don't know for what. Even when I am happy I feel this way though it is diminished by large degrees it is still there. Perhaps there is no solution, or maybe I can not see it, either way I write this because I feel the need to express myself. I just don't know.

I search the world for a place
I search the land for a friend

to be like one born
unprotected by fabric

To bear to the world
my flesh unhindered

feeling confined, shaped and smashed
wanting to release my shape

to feel the winds caress
gentle and sweet

like the suns kiss
warm and comforting

to stretch unhindered
in freedom pleasant

to reveal truths
where lies would be

so strip off lies and masks
and bare the truth and reality

Be nude
Be free!