Kilgore Trout

A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery. A force to be reckoned with, I reckon. I'm a man with a dream. A very simple dream, mostly involving naked people and silly string, but a dream nonetheless.I am buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, convivial and cautiously optimistic.Seriously though, let me give you a little bit of a scenario of what my life is all about. First off, I am 53 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river. Now, you kids are probably saying to yourselves, “Hey, I'm going to go out and get the world by the tail and wrap it around and pull it down and put it in my pocket!” Well, I'm here to tell you that your'e probably going to find out, as you go out there, that you're not going to amount to JACK SQUAT!